Reflections - A letter to Doots

Another year is all but over and like everyone, I've been feeling reflective lately. This year, it seems that I have watched my children transform before my very eyes. Children will do that, of course. So I'm writing them a letter each as a way of recording these reflections before we launch into a whole new year. The first one is for Doots... Warning: long, rambling post ahead!

Dear Doots,

At the beginning of the year, things were not easy for you and me. You were three-and-a-half and causing your mama so much stress. You seemed so unhappy, so unsettled. We were out of synch, and things got ugly for a while.

You were just not inclined to do anything you were asked. Getting dressed often took hours, and was often only achieved by using bribes, distraction and elaborate make believe stories and games. 

Once you were a baby who'd happily eat anything, but now your palate would reject anything that was soft or mushy or 'wet'. You needed your food to be crunchy, cold and dry. So raw veggies, crackers, dry toast, plain pasta were the only things you'd allow past your lips. Oh how I longed to nourish you with soup, braised dishes and custard!

Your behaviour was awful. We started to spend more time at home as the thought another melt-down at the supermarket became too much for me to bear. And your fears - of lawn mowers, vacuum cleaners, bees, lions, pirates, dinosaurs, dragons, etc. - meant that any accidental encounter with any of these things led to you freezing in fear, refusing to move. Of course, encounters with pirates, dinosaurs and dragons were rare, but they did happen. Usually during storytime at the local library where the child's librarian had rather gruesome taste. We soon gave up on that.

And then half way through the year you turned four. Everything changed. Our fierce three-year-old was replaced with a milder, more even-tempered and more reasonable four-year-old. Incredible. I began to sleep better. This is you with your birthday crown and your birthday cake.

 You started to enjoy contributing and having responsibilities around the house.

 You sought out new challenges.  You loved riding Tambo on our farmstay holiday.

 And best of all, you discovered the joy of friendship. Of shared jokes, playmates, someone you know who's there with you at preschool, or swimming, or music class. I love these girls, and I am so grateful to have them in our lives - in your life Doots. They lift you up and teach you about yourself and about humanity.

 Yes, 2010 was the year of friendship. Bless your mates little one, and may there be a couple of new special friends waiting for you at kindergarten next year. 

It seems you've barely been without a crayon, pastel, pencil or marker in your hand all year. That grip is now a consistent tripod (you'll never believe how many hours I spent worrying about that - was I really concerned you'd grow into an adult who held their pen with a clenched fist?) 

You still haven't decided if you're a lefty...

 ...or a righty. But you'll figure it out. I don't worry about it anymore, even if 'the books' think I should.

 This year we saw your first figurative paintings. You were drawing faces and people last year, but using paint and paintbrushes to make representations of things was new. And so exciting to watch. This one is now in a frame on our dining room wall.

 You never stop creating, making patterns and things of unexpected beauty with whatever is at hand. Actually you've always done this - and I love it so please don't stop!

 And your imagination gives life to everything around you. You add magic to all our days and help us to see beauty in the plain, which is a very special quality. My dear friend Sarah McC has this quality too and it was the first thing I noticed about her. I love her for it.

 You started to read a little bit this year. You can recognise a few words like the, as, my, this, for, is, in, and, dad, mum, cat. So exciting - I know you're going to love reading when it all starts to fall into place.  I'm really looking forward to watching you learn a skill that will keep you company your whole life. 

 And writing! You surprised me with this Santa letter. I was amazed!

 You've overcame lots of your fears. Early in the year year I couldn't turn on the vacuum cleaner (I took that as a fair excuse not to use it very much!) Just last week you were begging me to let you vacuum your room. And you chose this ride at the show - I was surprised. It goes up up up so high. You used to be scared to climb up to the top of a slide. You hopped in the plane, held on. You were determined to endure enjoy it. Well done Doots. I love seeing you challenge yourself. It's what makes us grow.

 You played at the beach and loved the water. But you detested swimming lessons till the very last. I'm impressed that you participated, with only a few poolside tantrums. 

But I think we'll give swimming lessons a miss next year. You'll have enough on your plate with kinder and I want us to focus on fun next year. So I'm going to listen harder: to you, and to my own instincts. So, more salt, less choline.

 More outdoors...

 More smiles, more creating.

 And this year, you fell in love with your brother. Oesch's first year was so difficult for you - I really underestimated the impact of a new baby sibling in your life and although we thought we'd prepared you - I realise now that nothing could have prepared you. It was your experience and you had to go through it your own way. Sometimes, you do things the hard way (funny, I remember my dad saying the same thing to me once or twice).

But this year Oesch became your buddy, your partner in crime, your student, your teacher, your friend. He makes you brave, he makes you laugh and he shows you how to be exuberant sometimes. You teach him gentleness, respect for all creatures and lots of new words. I couldn't be happier about how our year turned out.

I love you Doots. How much? So so so so so so so so so so so so much (as you would say).

Love Mama.

Wishes

Christmas is over for another year. The children were awash with presents.

We had a civilised picnic in the bush overlooking Hobart; prawns, cold poached salmon, salads and French Champagne - sparkling apple juice for Oesch and Doots - followed by orange and almond cake, fresh berries and cream. We had a million dollar view over the sparkling water of the Derwent Estuary, and the sunshine on our backs. Even the flies stayed away - it was heaven.

Wherever in the world you are, and whomever you're with, 

we hope your day was a little bit heavenly too.

From our family to yours, we wish you peace, joy, love and health,

and a few nice little things under your tree.

Thank you for visiting my little blog this year,

and for all of the sweet comments - they really mean so much!

I think I'll take a couple of days away from blogland - 

I'm going to enjoy our little family and make the most of 

Stephen being home.

x Sarah

PS This (rare) photo of sibling peace, love and goodwill was not from today, but from the O&D archives. In my whirlwind of 'seasonal tidying' I have misplaced my camera's memory card, so alas, only hasty (and dodgy) phone photos from today!

'troffles'

I love food, and I love used to love cooking. But it seems that these days there's so much thought required every time I prepare something - is it nutritious? will Doots eat it? (she's fussy), can Jana eat it? (needs to be gluten and dairy free), can I make it with one hand and a toddler on my hip if need be? Is it quick? And if I can involve Doots in the preparation, (a strategy for reducing the fussiness) then all the better.

Today we made some Truffles. I have adapted a recipe from this book. A lovely little sweet mouthful, perfect with a coffee or as a treat for the kids with their afternoon milk. Doots called them Troffles, which made me giggle. And they tick all my boxes: yummy for Doots, gluten & dairy free, quick, great for kids to help with, and nutritious. Honestly, these are great.

 So, assemble your food processor and throw in

half a cup each of:

pitted dates
sultanas
almond meal

(replace almond meal with skim milk powder if you need it to be nut free)

dessicated coconut

and a tablespoon each of:

 unsweetened cocoa

boiling water

And press the button. Process until it all comes together in a ball.

Roll into little balls using your fingers.

Have your little helper roll the balls in either cocoa or dessicated coconut.

Pop into the fridge for around 20 minutes, to firm them up a little.

Pass them around!

 Your little helper might enjoy playing with the left over coconut.

 And here they are. They don't look like they're jam packed with nutrients and have no added sugar, do they?

A week of goodbyes

Doots has had a busy week. Finishing preschool and saying goodbye to her classmates and teachers. Saying goodbye to the twice-weekly routine (not that she loved it!).

 We said goodbye to some lovely neighbours, which for Doots, meant farewelling a good friend. I don't think she really understands that she won't be around anymore.

We made these birds for her classmates and teachers. I traced a template on some cardstock and Doots coloured them with her oil pastels (I think she used all 48 colours!). We cut them out, punched holes and made a loop with red and white twine so they can be hung on a tree. We had ambitions of Doots writing on the back of each one but we were up against the clock so I did the writing.

 I love this spotty one the best, it went to her teacher, but really I think they were all so lovely and each one was completely unique.

I found saying goodbye to the teachers so difficult. I get ridiculously emotional at the drop of a hat, so I suppose it's no surprise that I was literally choking back tears as I wished one of her teachers good luck for the impending birth of her child, and as we walked away the tears were streaming down my face. I don't admire that trait in myself. I'd much rather be cool and collected and in control - because sometimes it's like trying to hold back a wave - impossible and utterly exhausting.

 Yesterday, completely out of the blue, Doots told me that she'd like to write to Santa. She must have picked this up at preschool because it's not something I've suggested. Anyway, she first drew her objects of desire, and wrote her name. She then asked me how to write 'Dear Santa'. I wrote it out on a scrap of paper and she did a pretty good job of transcribing...

...well after a couple of false starts, but I think Santa will understand. She wrote 'cat' all by herself and asked me to spell 'owl', which I did verbally and she wrote it (you can see that in green).

 She folded the paper, stuffed it in the envelope, ADDRESSED it (I know!), and put the stamp on. I realised that she's come a long way this year. Not too long ago simply folding the paper might have been enough of a challenge to prompt a minor meltdown.

 This reads: SAntA Morth PoLe. I love that random mix of upper and lower case you get at this stage. So cute. The squre grid-like drawing is our house "so Santa will know where I live". I don't really see the resemblence, but I get the logic.

A 'card only' sticker, of course.

And to end our week a platter of home made sushi. That's Oesch's quick little hand - he's a hound for sushi. If we'd bought it ready made this lot would cost around $40. It's nutritionally good and the kids love it so it's worth making from scratch. I thought it would be fiddly and difficult to get the rice seasoning correct, but it was really straightforward and fun. Perfect Friday night fare.

Stephen arrived home having been in Melbourne all day and he didn't realise that it wasn't shop-bought. So we'll take that as a compliment!

happy weekend to you! x

trimming...

Few rituals say Christmas for me quite like decorating the tree. As a child I enjoyed two completely different tree rituals. With Dad, a pretend tree, silver, tinsel, and a big collection of decorations which would come down from 'up in the roof' at the beginning of December. The flashing lights strung around the branches were mesmerising, and the tree was placed in the front window so you could see it blinking away from the street. My siblings and I adored that tree and fell in love with all the decorations all over again every year.

At Mum's house, there would be a big pine tree, sourced from the local green-grocer and decorated a little more sparingly than Dad's flashy silver stunner. Fewer baubles for sure. Mum's tree was in a bucket of sand, and I think I remember the smell more than the decorations. It was an altogether calmer, humbler, more serene expression of Christmas.

 As an adult before I had children I found Christmas a bit of a chore. It felt as though I'd outgrown it somehow and I certainly didn't enjoy all the commercial hype. But once Doots was born, it was as though my Christmas switch was flicked back on again. Silent Night, angels and Jesus mingle with mince pies, Father Christmas and reindeer. I still find it all a strange combination of motifs, but we all love it don't we?

 Every year since Doots was born I have bought just a couple of trinkets for the tree. It's a collection that will build over time and I think that if we just add a few each year, they'll be special. Well, to me anyway! this lovely green angel was made by a Tasmanian maker (apologies, I don't know her name but I believe she's the proprietor of Ruby's Room). She arrived last year, and this year I bought a matching red one.

 This little felt elf is new - and she has a matching 'brother'.

 This little ceramic bird with crochet was picked up in a Hong Kong market when I was pregnant with Doots - we have 10 of these little sweeties - each with different colours and animals. Doots loves them.

This year we have lots of kid-made paper decorations - stars, angels, snowmen. They are so cheerful, and I think Doots and Oesch will enjoy seeing them revealed again next December. I have plans to make a felt star, like this . We'll see, I have so many things on my to-do list it might have to wait till next year. "Why don't we just get one from a shop, Mum?" suggests Doots.

 So, I've discovered that I do a Christmas tree more like Mum's than Dad's (sorry Dad!). A fresh pine tree, not a flashing light or string of tinsel in sight. It's sparse, but it smells amazing and if you look closely into the foliage you might catch a little glimpse of magic!

tragedy

I've had an awful day. Three nights of not enough sleep have left me with a debilitating migraine, which was compounded by Doots' last day of preschool where I had to endure my non-conformist, strong-willed little possum breaking all the rules in her end of year concert (basically leaving the stage to roll around on the floor while shaking a maraca). She didn't even wear the elf's hat that I spent last night sewing and adorning with little silver bells.

She's exhausted and emotional and she and Oesch have been squabbling and whinging ever since she got home. After an early dinner and shower, she's now in bed listening to Christmas music. Oesch is still protesting in his cot half an hour after being put to bed. Stephen is at his work Christmas party - solo because of my migraine, and I'm finding this difficult to write. However...

I've just heard about a shipwreck off Christmas Island and the resulting deaths of many refugees, including children.

My day doesn't compare. I can reasonably hope that when I wake up tomorrow, everything will be brighter - my headache will have subsided, my husband will be by my side (albeit with hangover), my kids will be bouncing on our bed - intact, alive, healthy, happy, beautiful. We'll have a Christmas party to go to, friends to meet, happy days ahead.

Not so for these poor, poor people, those who have lost their lives today, their families, and the countless others around the world living with poverty, war, sickness, disaster. My heart is crying for them tonight.

My Happy List

I was so inspired by this post yesterday. Kate at Fox's Lane posted her happy list, despite having plenty of reasons for despair. Reading her list made me happy - it was written with such love for life. 

So I decided to write one too.

Listening to Doots practicing piano even though classes are over for the year

Discovering Oesch has learned to say a new word, or five, every day

Nibbling my mother-in-law's orange crescent biscuits with a cup of tea

Swimming lessons almost over for the year (we won't miss them)

Singing Christmas songs with Doots

Spending time with friends and watching our combined 8 kids all playing together (mostly) harmoniously

Finding time to sew skirts for my nieces

Planning the weekend with Stephen after his long week at work

Gathering decorations in anticipation of finding 'the perfect' tree this weekend

Feeling the cool change

Admiring the garden

Seeing Doots' face when I gave her a little 'gift' of freshly made playdough, sticks, stones, flowers

Having Jana with us for Christmas

Barbecuing

 Giggling at Doots' little pictures of reindeer

Overhearing Oesch say 'sorry' when he was a little overenthusiastic with his sister and knocked her over

Have a happy weekend

x Sarah

Advent adventures

I'm enjoying the lead up to Christmas this year, more so than any other year since my own childhood. I think it has to do with our advent calendar. 

 Ours is not the prettiest calendar I've seen, but it was assembled very quickly. I tore out sheets of coloured paper from a pad the kids draw in. Taking only the drawn-upon pages, I folded, stapled, numbered and strung them, added little notes inside, and hung them from the pot-racks in the kitchen. 

They'd look much prettier under a gleaming mantle piece, but they're here in the kitchen, where we spend most of our time. Doots is hoisted up daily to check what our activity for the day will be. She calls it our "mission" for the day. Very thrilling stuff.

 I like the way each page has been decorated using a different medium. And each is completely separate in style and intention, because the drawings were done individually. Every day represents a new thought or feeling. I am fond of the bird on #17, and the cat and penguin on #13 and #14.

And the activities inside? Since last time, we have had:

Collect Grandma and Grandfather from the airport

We enjoyed their company for three days!

 Select a few perfect pine cones (for decorating later)

...a trip to the botanical gardens was in order.

 Make shortbread

 Have dinner at the park

Make paper chains

Act like reindeer

(only joking - just wanted to squeeze this photo in!)

Make a wreath for the front door

We made this with our mothers' group friends over cups of tea, chitchat and a play in the garden today. Doots fancied it as a Christmas crown.

 Yes, it is shaggy. But I think it suits! 

Doots had never tied a knot before. I stood behind her and showed her how to do it, but it didn't 'click' and she wandered away, choosing the sandpit instead. But after our friends had all gone home, the floor had been swept, the dishwasher stacked, Oesch was sleeping, and order had been restored, I picked it up to finish it off. Doots joined me and was keen for another try. This time it worked. I explained it a bit differently, suggesting she make bunny ears and then fold one ear over and tuck it through. She got it. And off she went. So proud of her.